Cooking and not eating

So, today was my first cook day in the kitchen while on this detox/cleanse. I had to be particularly mindful, because I realize that I put food in my mouth mindlessly. I can easily 'taste' 4 cookies (for doneness) without realizing I just had 400 calories....even if they ARE healthy calories.

I decided to put a plate as a 'catch all' for little extras (that would have ended up in my mouth). By the afternoon, I had 1/4 loaf of bread, two slices of veggie lasagna, rice pilaf and sauteed spinach that I gave to one of my workers to take home. She easily made a meal for two out of it.

What a wake up call.

I did have another revelation today (while watching the clock for my next 'feeding')... that I'm tired of seeing myself as someone who is in the process of getting healthier, losing those last 40 pounds etc... I was thinking back to when I finally quit smoking for good. For years I was a closet smoker, smoked on occassion, while having a drink, in social settings, only on my way home from work. Whatever I chose to call it then...I was a smoker. Period. One day, I just decided that I didn't want to be a smoker. I didn't want to be associated with it...not even with an occassional smoke. And I just quit. I am not a smoker.

I had that revelation today with food. I want to be healthy and fit. I don't want to be associated with not being healthy and fit.

This is my year darn it. I'm not making this resolution in 2011!